Expanding horizons or entering a quarter life crisis…?

The world of blogging seems to be a forgotten and distant step taken by most but a foreign and gargantuan one for myself…

I have just turned 24 on Christmas eve (4 days ago) and I found myself thinking that if I don’t start now I probably never will! The same could be said for many things, which is why my dusty keyboard will, with a heavy heart, be donated to my younger brother next month. Blogging on the other hand I have decided to try my hand at, after all I have written blogs of a sort on a social network site but only when I was feeling overwhelmingly emotive; a break-up, an argument with friends, being sucked into a hopeless battle with an ignorant troll online…!

Today I brought up in conversation a decision I have been putting off. You see, we had a plan. The company my partner works for is based in Canada and they have offered him and I sponsorship to emigrate there. So we were to spend the next three years preparing, me finishing up my academic commitments, and both of us generally tying up loose ends. But then two months ago I got diagnosed with M.E after being ill for many months. It was a relief in a sense to finally know what was going on, and the Uni granted me leave until next September. For the first few weeks I was happy, taking the time I needed to rest and do things at my own pace, residing to the optimistic view point that I could spend the whole year getting better, working from home and ready to take 2014 by the horns…

Now two months in the reality of my condition is really sinking in and warnings are starting to come from my friends and medical professionals alike: Resuming my life next year is not advisable. Not advisable. Relapse. Currently my health is not improving and unfortunately the optimism is wearing off. Even if I rest enough and work on getting better by next summer, even then I am told, I should not resume my life as it could send me into relapse which would most likely leave me bed ridden and with worse health than now. But this isn’t a blog about M.E, although separating M.E from my possible existential crisis is likely impossible.

I am a pro-active, goal orientated person…I drive my boyfriend nuts with the tenacity with which I approach “jobs”….we are moving house together for the second time shortly and he is already dreading it! I am not mentally equipped to cross over into life’s slow lane. But, I have a decision to make. Either spend the next 6 months preparing myself to rejoin the academic world, forsaking all recommendations and possibly rendering myself incapable of any life at all for a period of time… Or, accept that for a few years I should focus on the smaller picture, be a house-wife, enjoy the days when I do have energy by painting, walking the dog, seeing friends; rather than pursuing a goal which may just be my end. With this decision we will move to Canada in the next year or so, which is a huge positive outcome.

I am entering a phase of my life which is forcing me to question my values, beliefs, interests; core parts of what make up who I believe myself to be. Is this a crisis or is it a new chapter, a chapter with deeper meanings and character development, with realizations and deductions about where the story is taking you…

4 comments

  1. Howdy! I know this is kind of off topic but I was wondering which blog platform are
    you using for this site? I’m getting fed up of WordPress because I’ve
    had problems with hackers and I’m looking at alternatives for another platform.
    I would be awesome if you could point me in the direction of a good platform.

    Like

    • Hey, I am still on WordPress 😛 I’m not really sure how it all works, I think I bought my domain name etc. but it’s still on the wordpress platform, sorry you’re having such bad luck with it!

      Like

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