Time for bed. Right, Pyjamas on, teeth brushed, got my bottle of water. *I am calm, peaceful, ready for sleep* Plug phone in to charge, oh what’s that I just opened Facebook without even thinking about it *sigh* might as well scroll through the feed. Nope, nope, put it down! Remember all those articles that say how bad looking at your phone is before bed, stop it! Right…ok, light off. Ah Sleep. Now think of nothing. Clear your mind. Just go to sleep…
Then it begins.
1) What did I do today? Usually the first thing I find my mind running through when I try to go to sleep. A recount, a summary of the day. It has its plus points; it’s a reminder of things I did which might need a follow up tomorrow or a few days later. It usually gives me a little pat on the back for getting lots done with my day, so that I can lie there in the dark for a few minutes thinking, yeah I deserve some good, restful sleep, I did so much today! It usually only lasts for a couple of minutes though…as then comes…
2) What didn’t I do today? Oh yeah, I was meant to call the phone company, and the garage…I really should have done that. I’ll do it tomorrow. It will be fine. I really should have gone to the gym today, hmmm. But, I went twice this week already and I was tired *scowling in the dark* I’ll just go tomorrow, it’ll be fine. This can descend into an infinite amount of possibilities of what I should have done with my day. A full scale reprimanding of myself for not doing enough. Which then leads to….the bigger picture…
3) What am I doing with my life? Oh this one. This one is Dangerous! After having this night time thought for a number of years I’ve devised a plan of attack for when this thought comes up. If you catch it quick enough you can usually send your brain on a meander round the block to forget what it was thinking about by distracting it with something completely different like fluffy dogs or Hugh Jackman. Sometimes though, if I’m just that tired, I don’t catch it, and the thought progresses *sigh*
Life. What have I done with this year? Where am I going? What do I even want out of life? Do I even have any goals anymore?! Yeah….this one can spend you into a bit of a spiral for a few hours.
Be assertive! Well, brain, this year I’ve moved countries and made progress on my book. I’ve maintained writing a blog, expanded to a baking blog, AND I’m slowly kicking my illnesses ass! Oh and what was that? Where am I going, what do I want? I’m going to finish this book, become a published author, get healthy and continue being awesome! Goals? Pah! I have goals aplenty and I’m working on them every day!….Well, that’s the best case scenario at least 😛
4) Ideas. With the last thought getting a bit jumbled up with its purpose, it usually gets me thinking about all the things I said I wanted to do. So blog ideas usually come at this time, (hey, I should write one about all the stupid things I think about while TRYING to sleep!), This is the point where I’m too tired (and comfy) to get up and write a note to remind myself and have to just hope I remember it tomorrow….which then cascades out to the other projects I’ve wanted to do for a long while but just….haven’t found the time. Video blogs for baking, making costumes, reviewing books, yoga! The list can be endless. If I’m not too grumpy by this point then it sometimes turns into a mental planning session of all these ideas….if by this point (usually an hour after trying to go to sleep) I am grumpy, it becomes another stop being so lazy and actually do these things session.
5) Then comes the ‘Attempts at Philosophy’. What if I never sleep again? What if the world stopped sleeping? What if the oceans became so polluted all sea life dies? What if there is nothing when you die. Like nothing, but you are aware of nothing, how is that possible? I don’t believe in God but I don’t want there to be…nothing. Tangent thoughts like this will start, scary thoughts of questions I don’t want to think about and will leave me despairing at the potential answers. This is a bad night. Don’t think these things.
6) What am I doing tomorrow? In order to rid some fearsome, complex issues from my very, very tired mind I try to bring back some mundane, trivial thoughts. Yes. A list of everything I have decided I need to tomorrow, fill out a whole mental schedule of tomorrow…then realizing there just isn’t enough time to do everything.
7) I need to sleep! I have to be up in like….5 hours! That’s not enough. Just stop thinking. Ok well if you can’t stop thinking, think about….dream things…yeah…This is where my imagination really gets going. Oooh what if I could control time? Or had unlimited money? Or spoke every language in the world? What if I was exactly the way I want to be? Hmmm. This usually follows with some Synthetic Dreaming to fit with whatever “super power” I have. If I’m lucky this will sometimes just actually turn into dreams as I’ve fallen asleep! Yey!
How much I think before going to sleep really makes me think that I don’t do much active thinking through the day as there is so much else going on. Some nights thankfully I only get to number 1 and I’ve fallen asleep, some nights go straight from 1 to 7 which is awesome 🙂 others meander a bit too long around 2 and 3. The ones that focus on 4 usually result in just getting up again and writing all the ideas down as I’ll never get to sleep otherwise!
Is there something you often think about while trying to get to sleep?
Happy Sleeping Everyone