I look up from my computer and see our garden trees swaying in the wind….or look past them at the endless fields of lush greengrass, new born lambs scampering about. Out of every window of our house I see picturesque beauty, splashes of yellow from the daffodils, our big white fluffy dog rolling around in the grass intent on getting a muddy face. Still sitting at my computer I look into my beloved kitchen, the range with the victorian age copper kettle which I just adore. It makes me sigh and smile, just happy feeling content in this beautiful tranquility we have crafted together after living in the harsh, gritty city for years.
It does not however make me want to write. I created my protagonist when I was living in a shared house, cobbling together the money to survive, dealing with Insomnia, heartbreak, new love, old traumas….how can I possibly do her justice? It was so easy to write then, all the emotions I was exploring with the character were so easy to tap into as mine were already laid bare, raw nerves, you get the picture.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that unless it’s easy I don’t Want to write, not at all. But where I am I don’t feel any sense of urgency. I feel….passive. I’ve taken a serious fast lane hiatus. I feel….content. At peace with my surroundings. Like I could actually just sit and watch the world. Not as an observer, as a watcher.
During and just after college I’d always have my little notebook with me. Scribbling down sometimes just sentences or even single words, grabbing the inspiration as it struck, not wanting to miss the imagery that a little bird jumping of a bench brought to mind. I needed less strain in my life for health reasons, so thats great n all for my health…..but I feel like it’s killed my creativity. It’s killed my thirst for painting my understanding of the world with words, it’s muted my inner voice that used to mutter away to me constantly about objects, people, actions, prattling on until something made sense.
I thought becoming aware of this would make it easier. I am aware of the issue therefore I can try to react differently…sort of thing. The summer is fast approaching and I want both of the books I’m working on finished this year….a run down cottage in the middle of nowhere is seeming pretty enticing right now! -Auburn x