Spiritual Crisis: Beltane Postponed


Today was meant to be our towns Beltane celebration. Unfortunately due to adverse weather they’ve postponed it to next week….I’m not completely against Mud Bath Meditation, but I understand why.

So since I’m not celebrating the beginning of Summer today in good old ancient pagan style, I thought I’d write a blog.

One night this week while I was trying to get to sleep I got thinking about religion and love.


I’ve always struggled with belief. I attended a catholic girls school yet I wasn’t catholic and it always raised some profound philosophical questions for me…questions which you weren’t allowed to ask nuns! As a teenager I figured I was an atheist as my views and beliefs about the world didn’t fit into their Catholic Schema.

Then as I got older and discovered that the world was actually full of people with different paths, different understandings and therefore different religions. It interested me so much I went on to study Ancient Religions at Uni.

I found that the old Pagan ways of understanding the world we live in, spoke to my heart, I connected with it. It fit who I am as a person and felt right.

But then my head gets in the way.


Which is why I started thinking about Love. I’m sure most people out there in internet-land have fallen for someone even though their heads tell them that it’s all wrong and it will only end badly. Yet, you dive in, because your heart wants it, then of course you have to deal with the heartbreak after.

Perhaps, for some of you out there who have gone through this, after a couple of times your heart starts to learn its lesson. I think mine has.

In a lot of ways I’m quite lucky, right now my heart and my head are in tune with one another. I love my partner with my heart and my head also thinks the relationship is quite a good idea….most days 😛

But I’m having a bit of a spiritual crisis…I have been for quite some time actually.

My heart is being ridiculed by my brain. My brain is full of science and logic and “the modern way of living” but my heart…wellIMG_5268 my heart yearns for whimsy, for allowing my life to fall in with the yearly changes in seasons, to track the monthly moon cycle and live accordingly, to have a little garden full of herbs for blessings.

So yeah, I’m disappointed the Fire Festival was postponed to next week, I really needed it today.

Our lives are in constant upheaval yet I always managed to find a centre, an anchor with meditation, tribal dancing, fire chanting, yet for some reason my mind has become the bully of my heart.

Both Love and Religion require the same ingredients, an open heart, belief, and trust. I guess my mind doesn’t trust in the spiritual world right now…

Ms. Phoebe has a food crisis…not enough pork!

-Love, Auburn xx

**Photos taken at Edinburgh Beltane/Samhauin events**

One comment

  1. I really want to tell you how loved you are and your heart can be totally safe in our Father’s hands. God is not who catholic schools teach; God is pure, unadulterated Love and when his Love manifests in your heart and soul you will no longer be in conflict. I pray that God pours his Love into your heart through the holy Spirit; be lavished with his pure, unconditional Love! Bless you!


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