The thought of going anywhere for a night has had me wrecked with anxiety for the last few years. Even going to visit family has been hard. A change in my routine, doing more than I probably should, not sleeping in my own bed, it’s quite stressful for someone with a Chronic Illness.
The thought of going anywhere, even into the city without my car was just unfathomable.
My health has slowly been improving over the last year, but I always know if I’m doing too much, my body has ways of not so gently letting me know. But I also knew that I just needed a holiday. To be in a different country…preferably with sun and a pool.
It’s been on the cards for a while, or rather it’s been talked about for a while, then I would have a bad few days or weeks and it would cease to be discussed. The anxiety over how I would cope away from home, without a car, for even a week was just too much to accept, especially since I wouldn’t buy marijuana abroad as the thought of getting detained is far more scary than a week without weed.
But….I did it. It was a quick decision, a friend and I had decided to just book the cheapest, hottest holiday we could, at short notice, and go. I think as I was booking it my brain cleverly said to the anxiety, “oh hey there you, check out this over here, why don’t you come come and look at how little work she’s done in the book she is writing this month…” and I booked the holiday.
I was worried. Very worried. Excited, kinda, but mostly worried. All the possibilities were going round and round in my head. The last time I stopped medicating with marijuana I lasted three days before the pain and lack of sleep just got so intolerable that I gave in. I wasn’t really worried about the place too much, I knew what to expect, package holiday full of mostly English people, to a city created entirely for tourists, Sharm El Sheikh, Egypt.
Going to Egypt kind of bothered me. I’ve wanted to go since I was about 7 years old and first learned about the Ancient Egyptians in school. I wanted Historical Tourism as apposed to the other kind of tourism….
I’ve been back 2 days and I feel great. Well, not great, I did get a viral infection, I still have sun burn from the first day, a rash from an allergic reaction to the swimming pool and am covered in nasty bites, but that is what goes along with having a compromised immune system. But, I also have a sun tan for the first time in years, I feel more “refreshed” than I have in a very long time, I made new friends, ate loads of new food and picked up some phrases in a new language. I felt closer to myself and how I used to be than I have in such a long time. It’s like my soul had a holiday!
I’ve always loved travelling, and have spent a while travelling around Africa. One of my concerns with my illness is that I’d never be able to go back. And yes, this was very different from the travelling I used to do, but it’s a compromise! I now feel confident enough to be able to say go for three weeks to visit friends in Southern Africa…when I get the money together
There were a few hard mornings, and sleeping tablets were taken to help, but overall it was amazing. I swam in the sea, walked round markets, even went out for cocktails and a wee bit of dancing! I still rested plenty, topped up my depleted vitamin D and the heat was also great for my joints and muscles.
I’m just so happy to know that this is a possibility again. Take that anxiety!