Searching for the Mythical Balance

Why can’t I split my focus? Huh? Surely this is a skill I should have developed by now. I mean, I can multitask sure, but only on things that don’t require much focus. I can do a hundred things at once without giving much thought to them…

Trying to refine eating habits, preparing healthy food, thinking about when I’m next going to be exercising, actually going through with said exercise plan…it’s not leaving much room in my brain for much else…although that could also be the nicotine IMG_1660withdrawal and hunger…Yup I just had a strop with the juicing machine and a bag of frozen fruit, so I stormed off to write.
In my mind it all makes sense. I can calendarize every aspect of my life making me a well rounded, productive, healthy, social, savvy saver *nods* so why doesn’t that translate to how I’m living my life?

Last year I put most of my energy into rekindling and cementing friendships, which was Amazing! And I love my friends with all IMG_1589my heart. I tried to do work on my book, and to be fair, I finished the First Draft! Dun Dun duuuuuun! But then… things stagnated. I have missed deadlines all over the place…albeit they are deadlines I’ve set myself, which is probably why I’ve missed them.

So this year is meant to be about the getting healthy, food and exercise wise, along with giving up bad habits…and working lots and lots!

Then writing this got me thinking, perhaps I’m not wired for balance. Maybe instead of putting so much energy into fighting my natural state which is to focus on the one thing intensely for a while before moving onto something else, I should just go with how I work. Perhaps Balance is a myth and maybe I’m coming to the end of my journey searching for it, only to find that it is a mythical concept whose only function is to excrete massive amounts of guilt!

If 2016 is the year for getting myself onto the path I want to be on, maybe I should start working with myself rather than against.

-Auburn xx


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