I had a very clear vision of adults when I was young. By mid-teens I understood that under 24’s weren’t really adults, but close. But here I am, 26 and I do not feel like an adult.
I have lived away from my family for 10 years, lived in different countries, different houses, worked a myriad of jobs, yet I do not feel like an adult.
I have debt, I’ve had a mortgage and paid it off, I’ve lived through big health problems and not returned to my family for support, yet I do not feel like an adult.
There is that meme going around which says “that horrifying moment when you’re looking for an adult and realise you are the adult.”Clearly a lot of people identify with this feeling for it to become a meme. But why?
When I looked at adults as a teen I knew they were adults because….I guess partly authority. Any adult could try to tell you what to do, even if it wasn’t anything to do with them, they had authority and a responsibility to step in. Parents, teachers, friends parents, grandparents, they made up a big part of our worlds growing up, they were definitely adults. They set the rules we had to live by.
….they had their own houses, paid bills, worried about things teenagers couldn’t quite understand…like insurance.
….they drove cars
….they had a job that wasn’t working Saturdays at a hairdressers
….apart from a few teachers most adults I knew were also parents.
But what does an adult look like now?
Teenagers for the most part scare me. At the very least I tend to avoid them. I don’t feel like my ages gives me any authority in the slightest.
I’m caught between wanting to forge my own path and looking for guidance. For years I’ve been happy travelling the road less travelled. I’ve gone where life has taken me, the good and the bad. But I guess self doubt is pressuring me to check my progress. Which is when the need for an Adult arises.
Perhaps I need to just suck it up, take a look at my life and say,
“Right, well, I guess this is what an Adult looks like now.”
I get to go to bed what ever time I want…I just also have to deal with those consequences the next morning.
I can eat whatever I want…again my waist line will pay for that.
I can technically spend the whole day in the Cinema…until I have to deal with not doing any work that day.
I can buy as many books and pretty things as I want…if I’m prepared for the credit card bill next month.
As a kid these were things that I wanted to be able to do when I grew up.
I guess growing up is learning that you can do whatever you want, but there is always a price.