Slightly Delayed Friday Blog.
Recently, with help from my loving partner, friends and a therapist, I’ve been making peace with my past.
Up until a year or so ago, my method for dealing with stress and conflict has been to run away. Like, move countries kind of run away. The objection was to put as much distance between myself and those emotions as possible, usually stemming from one or two people. But what about everyone else? The other people in my life that weren’t causing stress?
I left them too.
Over the last two years I’ve sent various letters, messages, arranged coffee meet ups with people who have gone from my life for various reasons. I don’t necessarily want any of them In my life again, as there were reasons, for the most part, for not having them in my life any more. But rather than having a severed rope dangling from a cliff face…the rope has now been hooked to the other side. It’s not advisable to make the crossing, but in a necessary scenario it
Then, I went to Manchester for a couple of days to see a friend I’ve kept in contact with continuously, despite living in different cities. I guess when we moved away from each other, I was in a very different place. It was great seeing
him, it’s been 6 months since he came up to Scotland, so there was a lot to catch up on. We had a great night of chatting, eating, playing Pandemic until 3am. Followed by a day showing Lord Geekus some of Manchester. Yay for Afflecks Palace still being awesome 😀
Manchester was one of the cities I used to live in, and it’s one that I left unceremoniously just before heading off to Australia.
It was a really…hmm….tumultuous time in my life. I was very young, living away from family for the first time, in a very bad relationship and generally just all over the place. I can’t say that I made a lot of true friends while I lived there, but when Facebook came about there was definitely a friend I wanted to connect with.
Facebook is such a strange beast. Here is this person that I was friends with for a period in my life, who I hadn’t seen since…2008 maybe, and now a few years on I can see what they are doing with their life! Amazing. But there is still these huge blocks. You can see these peoples lives, as others can see mine, but what do we really know?
So on the drive down I decided to message this old friend and suggest a coffee meet up. I was so nervous! More so than on any date I’ve been on in recent memory. What if my memories were wrong? What if I’m just too different now?
Yes, I am different now, but that isn’t a bad thing. And guess what, with a 9 year gap we were both pretty different. But it was so lovely to see her again!
Nothing Facebook gives us can make up for a hug from an old friend.
We spent a couple of hours chatting, some current things, some old memories, some nonsense, some Phoebe cuddles.
It makes me very happy to be able to start building these bridges again. To reconnect with someone I thought lost. It turns out it was my own anxiety and fear stopping that!
Closing off from my past has always been a problem, but one I’m now working on and so far I’m very happy with how that is working out 😀
My spoons are returning now after taking Saturday to do nothing but nest on the couch and watch X-Files and we are already planning our next trip to Manchester!